Letter to Tommy Hilfiger

 

Dear Mr. Hilfiger,

If you want me to wear clothing bearing your name, that's fine, but the price must be right. I charge $1.50/day to rent my body as a walking billboard. I will have little opportunity to return the favor, but that's okay, since suggesting that people wear my name seems tacky and invasive. 

In fact, the only clothing that bears my name is the underpants I took to band camp when I was eleven. On the

inside, on that part that stretches, my mother printed DENNIS FEHR in black marker. Frankly, I have no idea where those underpants even are. If, however, they should turn up, and you wish to try them on, let me know. We could pay each other a buck fifty a day. What a hoot!
Warmest,
Dennis Fehr