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        aired February 29, 2017

RM   What do you watch on TV?

DF   The only thing on my TV is this popcicle stick box I made

        in cub scouts. I hardly ever “watch” the box. To tell the truth,          I hardly even look at it.


RM  What chore do you most hate?

DF   Cleaning the cat box after dinner guests have used it. 


RM  How many states have you lived in?

DF   Let's see…confusion, Illinois and Texas. None of them



RM  Would you bungee jump?
DF   Sure, off a sofa.


RM  Diamonds or pearls?
DF   Yes.


RM  What’s your favorite cereal?
DF   I don’t know, but I have very little patience with these

        cereal killers.


RM  How do you vent your anger?
DF   Stand by the stove, turn on the fan, up it goes.


RM  What outfit are you wearing right now?
DF   The usual. Little black dress, clown shoes.


RM  What kinds of X-rays have you had?
DF   So far only vision. In middle school I hung out by the girls’

        locker room.


RM  Have you ever dyed your hair?
DF   No, but I've lyved it to the fullest.


RM  Living arrangements?
DF   I vote yes.


RM  If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

DF   Okay, so some sorcerer is telling me, "I'm going to turn

        you into a crayon. What color do you want to be?”

        Instead of running out the door, I stand there musing

        about what color I want to be when I'm a lifeless tube of 

        wax. Mm-hm.


RM  Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? 

DF   I think so. Larry, Curly…. No, Grumpy, Doc,  Bashful....

        No, Matthew, Mark, Luke...I'm not sure about Luke.

        And of course Randolph.


RM  Lights on the tree?

        Freaks out the pets.


RM   Who is the easiest person to buy for? 
DF    A close friend of mine who's blind. I get him one of those

        frames with a person's photograph already in it, and I tell

        my friend it's of him. It’s a purely economic decision.


RM  Thank you for this interview, Dennis.
DF   No, thank you.


RM  No, thank you.

DF   No, thank you.